Everything in our lives, including our chronic stress, can be a catalyst for becoming our true selves with a deeper sense of vitality, connection, and meaning.
I learned this lesson the hard way after going through a very challenging time in my life that gave me an up close and personal taste of what it felt like to experience chronic stress and the impact on my physical and emotional health.
Like many people, for most of my life, I thought it was normal to go through my days feeling anxious and stressed.
I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that the chronic tension headaches, aura-filled migraines, hormone imbalances, gut issues, restless nights, irritability, and the need to unwind with an occasional drink were all symptoms that I was experiencing the effects of chronic stress.
All of these chronic stress symptoms that I had most of my adult life improved a lot when I started my regular meditation practice over ten years ago. Meditation became like brushing my teeth, and I rarely missed a day. I settled into a false sense of confidence that I was resilient enough to handle the stressful seasons in my life.
Then, as the Universe would have it, I needed to learn yet more intimate lessons about chronic stress and, ultimately, my SELF. These lessons were significant and honestly surprising because I, as a meditation teacher who meditated every day, could get to a place where the effects of chronic stress forced me to PAUSE my entire life, which was profoundly humbling.
In my particular case, the chronic stress manifested with a whole cluster of new mystery physical and emotional symptoms that were both confusing and frightening to me.
These chronic stress symptoms arose after spending over a year being a caregiver to my aging parents and other compounding stressors.
Honestly, watching the depth of my parent’s suffering and the death of my mom in a very traumatic way was too much for my body and brain to weather, even with my regular meditation habit.
I felt caught in a storm in the vast ocean with angry skies and huge swells. My sole focus was on survival, and I felt much of my life fade away as I navigated the rough seas that began to take their toll on my boat. I felt like I was hanging on for dear life, and with such violent weather and so much out of my control, I often felt like I didn’t know if I was meant to survive.
But the storm did begin to subside, and I could see the sun starting to peak through the slowly fading dark skies. What a welcome relief!
After my mom died, I was so ready to jump right back into my life that I didn’t pause to deal with the effects that the accumulation of the stressors had on my body and brain. The storm had caused some damage, and I didn’t realize how much until I threw myself back into my life, ready to put the past and struggles behind me.
I ignored the first clues that my vessel needed repair, and this subtle diminishment of my life force energy evolved into a full-blown shutdown. With barely enough energy to get off the couch and many disturbing and confusing chronic stress symptoms, I had no choice but to turn my attention to repairing and restoring my body and brain and ultimately learning the lessons that were the gifts of what felt like a dark night of the soul.
The chronic stress that I had experienced reminded me that stress isn’t the problem, but getting STUCK is.
And that’s precisely what happened to me. My body and brain had been stuck in fight or flight for too long and then ultimately began to shut down for the survival of the organism- which just happened to be me.
While amid a profoundly stressful time, I didn’t create enough space in my life to deal with the effects that the many stressors were having on my body.
I can now see more clearly that I needed more intentional practices to shift out of fight or flight and into the rest and restore state in my body. While my meditation practices were a lifeline, it wasn’t enough to counterbalance the constant feeling of threat that my body was under.
I had been SO focused on external stressors that I ignored one of my core teachings that I share with others in meditation workshops.
Deal with the effects of chronic stress on our bodies so we can better deal with the stressors.
I hadn’t paused to deal with the effects of stress, and so my body did it for me by withdrawing my life force energy and producing other weird symptoms that stopped me in my tracks.
I knew that when our nervous system isn’t regulated, it creates endless physical and mental health problems. But I guess I had to understand what that meant by living it and how far-reaching the symptoms could be!
After much digging into the current research and how to create healing states in our bodies, I learned that at the root of many chronic symptoms and illnesses is the effect that being chronically STUCK in a state of stress has on us. The article Top 10 Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System provides a helpful list to assess whether you’re experiencing nervous system dysregulation.
But the empowering part of the story is that our bodies and brains want to heal and come back into balance. And when they do, we reclaim our lives from many chronic stress-related issues that impact our lives in small and big ways.
I set the intention to heal by creating physical and spiritual homeostasis.
The article 4 Pillars For Awakening Your Best Self describes a holistic framework that integrates our bodies, minds and souls. I started with the first pillar, focusing on self-regulation with intentional breathing, limbic system regulation and vagus nerve toning to create an inner healing environment.
As my life force energy slowly returned, and the mystery symptoms began to subside, I had the energy to mine for the gold of the deeper lessons I was meant to learn – my soul lessons.
In addition to physical homeostasis at the mitochondria cellular level, I knew I needed to achieve spiritual homeostasis. The Universe was giving me the opportunity to walk the talk as a guide for spiritual beings having stressful human experiences.
This meant that I needed to use the stressful time in my life to deepen my understanding of myself and discover my true self. My physical symptoms pointed to a deeper issue, which allowed me to use my stress and burnout to transform the lower nature of my conditioned personality into a more authentic way of being.
These crises in our lives allow us to either evolve or devolve because if there’s one thing we know for sure, staying the same is not an option.
Evolving arises when we allow the energy of our soul or higher self to propel us to a higher level of consciousness with greater love and wisdom. Devolving occurs when we allow the energy of our conditioning or personalities to keep us fearful and stuck.
Many folks get stuck because they can’t visualize their future true selves or know the steps to become them.
The Enneagram of personality is a powerful psycho-spiritual map that helps us with the process of becoming. With great self-compassion, I used this tool to see how my people-pleasing, conflict-avoidant personality led to the suppression of too much emotion, including anger, and this, combined with other personality traits and trauma, got me into a nervous system dysregulation problem.
The Enneagram also helped me to integrate what Sandra Maitri calls our “soul child,” the part of us that we had to disown to survive and that we need to reclaim if we’re going to live a vibrant and meaningful life.
The common thread I noticed in all the research and stories about healing from both physical and mental health problems is that beyond the cellular repair that needs to happen, we are being called to become different people, which means more of our true selves and less influenced by our conditioned, fearful personalities and histories.
I know I’m not the same person who walked into the storm, and while I’m glad this storm is over, I’m grateful for the lessons learned from chronic stress and the freedom I now feel to be one step closer to my true self.
If you feel called, please leave a comment below. Our community would love to hear from you!
Dear Bev:
I am so sorry for your loss. You have weathered such a difficult storm.
Reading your raw crisis account, it is truly encouraging that upon having to stop and purposefully care for yourself, you have come out the other side of this turbulent time stronger and more clear with your ‘self’ than before!
At the beginning of 2023, we lost both of our geriatric and beloved K9 family pets. It wasn’t until after an entire month of my body protesting that I was convinced taking a leave of absence at the end of 2023 was prudent and necessary. With worsening physical symptoms, I realized the need to immediately change my circumstances. The physical effects of stress and unresolved mental and emotional matters finally stopped me in my tracks; however, the gift that my body’s non-negotiable protests gave me (or forced upon me) ended up being the immediacy of tackling my necessary healing.
It seems that our ‘growth experiences’ prefer not to present themselves in a way that most of us would logically choose, but in speaking for myself, had I not physically been disrupted, I would not have reevaluated the physical circumstances as well as the emotional and mental states I found myself in at that time (three short months ago).
In the spirit of healing and caring for ourselves with self compassion, may I ask if you are willing to share what exercises you find helpful when referring to limbic system regulation and vagus nerve toning, please? I would love to add these valuable tools into my routine; however, the plethora of information available feels a little overwhelming!
Take care of yourself, Bev!
Hi Jodi,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved family pets! I love how you described that stress can become our “growth experiences.” So very true!
Thank you for the question about the specific practices that I used. You’ve inspired me to update my blog with that information. Love, Bev.
So happy for you Bev! It is extremely hard work! But you rose above it ! I’m also on this path and feeling so much lighter but know there is more work to be done!
Love Donna ♥️🙏
Donna, I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling so much lighter!!! Love, Bev.
Hi Bev, We all experience trauma and breaking away from it is definitely a challenge. I retired about 4 years ago, losing a daily routine that I loved, moved across the country just before COVID struck and demanded isolation. I was getting away from family deaths and a lifetime of environmentalism within an inflexible political environment.
I still feel lost. Meditating is supposed to help you liver in the present, getting away from past stress and future fears. You can’t change the past and if you live your life with your values intact that should take care of the future. Right? I have never been able to break through this. Our past experiences make us who we are, our values. I see a planet in crisis and I feel the need to help because I fear for the legacy of a future that my grandchildren are going to live in. However, I find myself unfocused, unable to get down to the task. However, recently I have begun to pick up my threads to the climate research I had been doing and this is a healing process for me – I am not meditating. I am looking forward to sharing my research to motivate climate action. Meditating, perhaps made me a calmer person, but I think , to be true to yourself you have to deal with your values and act. It sounds like you have also been able to move on. Steve
Hi Steve,
Thanks for sharing with us here! I’m thrilled to hear that you’re moving through some resistance to pick us some threads and research what you’re passionate about. Such a great perspective about being true to ourselves through action and our values. Love, Bev.
Thank you Bev this is insightful and has given me space to think about my connections with my current stress and its effects on my mental and physical wellbeing.
Hi Heather,
I’m honoured to hear that this post has created space for you! Love, Bev.
Dear Bev, What a candid, deep, soul sharing piece. It is so valuable for us to realize we need to take care of ourselves so we can continue our caring work. You have woven such an amazing blend of the pain and the triumph for others to see that both can be present. Your affirmation of gifts coming in the process of the dark night of the soul is so important for others to hear about the potential richness of this experience. It is also wonderful that you provide actual tools for others to tap in their own journeys. You have given us an invaluable gift! Thank You CindyHoard
Thank you, Cindy! It’s beautiful how you highlighted that “pain and triumph” can co-exist. Love, Bev.