Many people arrive here because something in their life no longer feels the way it once did. What used to feel meaningful, stable, or certain now feels uncertain, empty, or quietly unraveling.
Over the years, the Dark Night of the Soul has been written about almost exclusively as a spiritual crisis — something happening to your soul. But through my own experience and through walking alongside many others, I’ve come to see something different happening beneath the surface.
What we call the Dark Night of the Soul is actually, more often than not, the Dark Night of the Personality — the unraveling of the identity we’ve built our lives around. It’s not your soul in crisis. Your soul is actually doing the calling. It’s your personality that is being asked to loosen its grip.
That reframe changes everything.
What is the Dark Night of the Soul?
Having gone through the dark night myself, I resonated deeply when Dr. Zinia Pritchard, a Contemplative Practice Theologian, described it this way:
The Dark Night of the Soul is a spiritual process where the seed of life is buried within the soil of suffering.
The phrase was first used by John of the Cross, a 16th-century Spanish mystic and poet. While its origins are religious, it’s now widely understood as a universal metaphor for the human experience of transformation that transcends any single tradition.
For many people, the dark night is a confusing time of feeling lost and disoriented, as if the foundation of their life has been pulled out from under them. It’s often triggered by a season of suffering when the ways you used to make sense of the world no longer seem to work.
Sometimes it’s set off by a crisis — a loss, a health challenge, burnout, or a relationship ending. Other times, it creeps in slowly through what I call soul hunger: the quiet sense that something essential is missing, even when life looks good on the outside.
The dark night of the soul is not a sign that you’re broken or wounded. It’s a passage that unravels the layers of your conditioned self — roles, beliefs, and unconscious patterns — so that the deeper truth of who you are can emerge.
Why It’s Really About Your Personality, Not Your Soul
Here is what most people misunderstand: the dark night doesn’t mean your soul is in trouble. Your soul is actually the one initiating the shift. What’s in trouble, what’s being asked to change, is your personality. I wrote an article where I shared what I had learned from over a decade of asking the question, What is the Soul? It’s a powerful question that is actually triggered by the dark night of the soul.
William Meader, an esoteric philosophy teacher, calls our personality our “outer garment.” We develop this persona as children to help us survive, and for a while, it works beautifully. But over time, the same personality patterns that once helped us navigate the world become increasingly rigid. They begin to suffocate the natural expansion of our soul. What once helped us survive starts limiting our growth and blocking deeper connection with what feels meaningful.
The dark night arrives when the strategies and identities that once worked no longer do. Things that once brought comfort or success now feel empty.
Many people describe feeling like:
- “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
- “Life looks good on the outside, but I feel broken on the inside.”
- “I should be grateful, but I feel flat and lost.”
That disconnect is your personality structure — your “outer garment” — beginning to loosen. It can feel terrifying. But it is actually an invitation.
My Own Dark Night
For months, I’d wake up with this unexplained heaviness. I had what many would consider a great life, yet inside, something felt profoundly off. I’d catch myself staring out windows, wondering, Is this it? Is this all there is?
I felt guilty for not being grateful, confused by the emptiness, and scared that something was fundamentally wrong with me.
What I eventually understood was that my personality “outer garment” had been built on the belief that I was meant to suppress my wants and needs and go with the flow of others. I was motivated by being liked and avoiding conflict, and as a result, I had slowly lost my Self.
That pattern served me well for years. It helped me raise a family, maintain a happy marriage, become a successful nurse, and build friendships. Our personality patterns aren’t all bad — they contain real gifts.
But when overdone, they become a prison.
The same way of being that had worked so well began motivating me to make decisions that weren’t aligned with my soul’s path. I felt like something was missing, even though I had so much to be grateful for. My previously meaningful life felt flat. I was burnt out, empty, and lost.
This was my dark night — the beginning of removing that well-worn mask. I had to integrate the parts of myself I’d left behind: my voice, my dreams, my feelings, my needs, my gifts. It was dark and difficult because I had to let go of who I was not and shift into becoming my more authentic self.
That emptiness forced me to retreat into what felt like a cocoon. In that cocoon, I began shedding layers of conditioning, resentments, and outdated beliefs about what it meant to be a “good” woman — until I could finally hear the quiet voice of my soul and what was calling me forward.
A simple, daily meditation practice, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and the Enneagram of personality became my companions on the path inward.
Growth-Oriented Dark Night vs. Spiritual Crisis
It’s important to distinguish between two different kinds of dark nights.
For some, it’s a growth-oriented dark night of the soul — a season of emptiness, loss of spark, or questioning that, while painful, still allows them to function in daily life. With the right tools and support, this kind of dark night becomes a catalyst for reconnecting with your true self. This is the space where my work lives.
For others, it can feel more like a spiritual crisis — sudden, destabilizing, and overwhelming, with extreme anxiety, despair, or difficulty functioning. This is sometimes referred to as a “spiritual emergency,” and it requires therapeutic or crisis-level support. The Spiritual Crisis Network is a helpful resource if that resonates with your experience.
It’s also worth noting that the dark night can look like depression on the surface, but they aren’t the same thing. Understanding the difference matters.
The In-Between Space: No Longer and Not Yet
As the old self loosens, we enter a strange in-between space where the old no longer fits but the new hasn’t fully arrived. Confusion, emptiness, and questioning everything you once believed are common here.
Psychiatrist Gerald May described it beautifully:
Things that gave us pleasure in the past may now seem empty… Perhaps the career we worked so hard to achieve is not as rewarding as we’d expected. Maybe the love relationship we thought would make us complete has become timeworn and frayed.
In this tender space between no longer and not yet, your personality craves certainty — but the dark night asks you to surrender to the unknown.
How to See Your Personality Patterns
Here’s where most people get stuck. You might sense that something feels off, that you’re living according to old programming, but you can’t quite see the patterns clearly enough to change them.
To truly loosen our identification with personality, we first have to see it. This is where the Enneagram of personality becomes invaluable. As Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile says:
A person’s Enneagram type is like a mask, a layer of self-protective personality put on in early childhood. The goal of understanding one’s number is to remove the mask and bring one’s healthy, True Self to light.
The Enneagram gives you the blueprint to see your prison walls clearly. Then practices like meditation and mindfulness give you the tools to find your way to freedom.
7 Truths People Discover in the Dark Night
After speaking with many people who have navigated their own dark night — people I call “way showers” because they help illuminate the path for others — I began to notice consistent patterns in what they discovered. Here are seven truths that appear again and again.
1. The Life You Built No Longer Fits Who You Are
The dark night often arrives when you’ve drifted too far from your soul’s authentic expression — even if your life looks successful from the outside. One way-shower described it this way: “I was a sensitive person working in a left-brain environment. It just wasn’t a fit. I knew I was cracking.”
2. You Stop Living From Your Head and Start Listening to Something Deeper
After navigating the dark night, people stop making decisions from willpower and strategy alone. They learn to listen to a deeper wisdom — what one person described as “the profound place within.” This shift from forcing to flowing is one of the most profound changes people describe.
3. The Pain Isn’t the Problem — It’s Part of the Path
The suffering isn’t something to escape. It’s something to move through consciously. As one way-shower shared: “The more present you can be to the experience and the suffering, the more you will get out of it as it deepens you. It feels like it just continues to free you.”
4. You Begin to Feel Like Yourself, But in a Way You’ve Never Known Before
On the other side, people describe a sense of coming home to themselves that they had never experienced before. “I’ve felt like I’m coming home to the truth of who I am… I’ve said ‘hello’ to a me that hadn’t existed — it’s a powerful and profound feeling.”
The transformation isn’t dramatic in a flashy way. It’s deeper: a lightness of being, the dissolving of old anxiety and people-pleasing, a quiet inner peace.
5. As You Change, Your Life Changes With You
The inner transformation inevitably impacts relationships and work. Some relationships naturally evolve or fall away as you become more authentic. This can feel lonely and disorienting, but it’s part of the process.
6. You Feel Caught Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming
During the transition, you’ll feel tension between your old patterns and your emerging self. “A life force is trying to renew. Trying to birth something new and truly life-sustaining.” This internal tension is normal. You’re literally becoming a new version of yourself while your old identity resists change.
7. You Can’t Do This Alone — Support and Practices Become Essential
Every way-shower emphasized how crucial it was to have practices and people supporting the inner journey. “I started meditating daily, and that’s when the powerful changes started. That’s when the healing began.” The dark night asks you to develop new inner capacities. What I call the 4 Keys to Inner Peace — self-regulation, self-love, self-discovery, and self-expression — make all the difference.
The Birth-Death-Rebirth Process
Periods of transformation always involve the death of something that needs to disappear.
Nature teaches us that all life follows the pattern of birth-death-rebirth. In the dark night of the soul, you die to your conditioned patterns and give birth to your more authentic self. As James Hollis wrote:
There is no going forward without a death of some kind: a death of who we thought we were and were supposed to be… But life has other plans; indeed, our own souls have other plans.
This is what Joseph Campbell called the Hero’s Journey — hearing the call and responding with courage to embark on a new adventure. While often portrayed as a physical quest, it’s really about the inward journey.
Your personality doesn’t disappear through this process. Instead, it takes on what I call a “luminous quality” and assumes its rightful place in your life: as an outer garment that enables you to express your soul in the world, rather than blocking it.
On the other side of this passage:
- You feel more peaceful and at home in your own skin
- You have clarity about who you are and what truly matters
- You live less from performance and more from authenticity
- You reconnect with vitality, creativity, and meaning
- The ache of something missing transforms into a sense of wholeness and alignment
A Message of Hope
If you’re in the midst of your own dark night, I want you to hear this from one of the way-showers I spoke with:
You need to trust that there’s a greater plan for you. You don’t have the foresight or knowledge to anticipate it — and you need to trust. That you are always held. You won’t just be okay; you’ll be better than okay.
The dark night of the soul is not destroying your life. It is dissolving the identity that once protected you so that something more authentic can emerge. The soul isn’t the one in crisis. The soul is the one doing the calling.
And that calling is worth answering.
Moving Forward
This journey asks a lot of us. The uncertainty can feel overwhelming, and the loneliness can be profound. But you don’t have to navigate it alone.
If you’re in a growth-oriented dark night and ready to explore this journey with compassionate guidance, I invite you to schedule a complimentary clarity call.
If you’d like to understand your own personality patterns more deeply, I offer Enneagram discovery sessions and would be honored to explore them with you.
In the following video, I speak with Sharon Stopforth, a psychotherapist, about her journey through the dark night of the soul.

This article speaks straight to the soul. Bev captures the essence of the dark night with such compassion and insight. It’s comforting to know that the breakdown is often part of the breakthrough into authenticity.
Dear Bev,
I am struggling with something I don’t understand. I have loved God my whole life. Why am I in such darkness? My relationships are shaky at best, and falling apart at worst. I seem to come across as cold to others when I’m nothing but. I feel like God has abandoned me and I’ve been betrayed by a great community and friends I loved for years. I’ve had to leave that community and return to a place I was born in but never considered home. I am at the end of my ability to imagine a better life and am continuously at the brink of wanting to leave this planet. I’ve never experienced this much darkness and doubt in my life. Thank you, Kelley
Hi Kelley,
Thank you for sharing with us here! After reading all the comments I hope you realize that you’re not alone in your struggles. It’s SO hard and painful when relationships either shift or fall away. I heard a song by Tish Melton, We Can Do Hard Things that reminds us of our deeper resilience to get through the times of darkness and doubt in our lives. This community of awakening souls and Life itself are wrapping you in a big, warm, loving blanket. Love, Bev.
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Knew what I was experiencing, Living in the unknown, “The Cloud of Unknowing” Helped to feed my mind (ego). Reading this article, has given my soul a voice. Shellagh
Hi Shellagh,
Thanks for sharing with us here. I’m so grateful that this article gave your soul a voice. Beautiful! Love, Bev.
Hi Bev, I can’t thank you enough for giving me all the information and excerpts and the video of this very trying time that now makes sense. I’m definitely going to be looking into your other things but I was wondering is this directly for women or men also?
Hi Debbie,
I’m so grateful to hear that my sharing has helped you to make sense of this really trying time! It truly does help to lessen our suffering when we can create some sort of meaning around it! This is definitely for both men and women. I used to work primarily with women and then had men reach out wanting support and guidance. Love, Bev.
Hi, my name is Marc. Thank you for this writing. I had a huge life change at the end of 2014 and mid 2015. A twenty year relationship abruptly ended and I just up and closed my twenty year business. I lost everything. But what became of it was the beginning of my return to god. And, trying desperately to find who I really am. I have been in this transformation so long I’m afraid my life will end this way. I seem to be addicted to the suffering. If I may ask, what do I do to find my way out?
Thank you and with gratitude
Hi Marc,
Thank you for sharing with us here! It’s really interesting that I’ve been reflecting lately that I’m inspired to share about the DNOS as part of a transformative journey because perhaps by shedding more light on it, people will be able to navigate through it and not get “stuck.”
It takes courage to see and name that you may be addicted to suffering. Are you familiar with the Enneagram? It’s a psychospiritual map that points to how different personality types have their own flavour of suffering/stress. One of the types, for example, has created an identity out of suffering – while joy and happiness are in their shadow.
In terms of how to find your way out I’d say it’s through self-discovery combined with intentional practices that will enable you first to see and then to shift things inside of you. A guide/mentor is very helpful for this. They can’t do the work for you, but the right guide can light your unique path and accompany you. Love, Bev.
Dear Bev,
Thank you for this and thank you for your courage. The conversation between you and the Angela is wonderful. I wonder, how can we be sure that our condition is the dark night of the soul and not depression?
Thank you and all the best
Hi Mihaela,
Thanks for your comment. What a great question! That’s a difficult question to answer because the worldviews that give rise to the exploration of the dark night of the soul are very different than how we arrive at the diagnosis of depression. One is based on the spiritual understanding of our soul’s evolution and the other based primarily (although not always) on the medical model and the need to diagnose and treat. From the soul’s evolution persepctive, both give rise to the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve. When I was going through the dark night of the soul, I had an inner knowing that my life wasn’t in alignment with my true self. Although I had many of the traditional symptoms of depression, I didn’t get a sense that I was “depressed.” I was lost, confused, in the fog and needing to withdraw for awhile to reconnect with my Self, but also felt that something new needed to emerge. All this to say that your question is an important one and as more people are awakening spiritually, one that over time we’ll be better able to shed a light on. Love, Bev
Dear Bev and All,
I loved this post and the video was so uplifting too, therein; big and cosmic thank you.
The clearing and purging and healing of soul is a most difficult albeit divinely orchestrated act of love.
Be love always and please do keep doing what you’re doing ❤️
Thanks so much! Your thoughtful comments means a lot and inspires me to continue on this path. Love, Bev.
Dear Bev,
What meditation are you certified to teach?
Hi Dee,
I’m certified through The McLean Meditation Institute and specialize in teaching techniques taught in various traditions, but I don’t teach the traditions themselves. For example, I teach and integrate into my coaching mindfulness, mantra meditation, body scans, forgiveness, self-compassion, loving-kindness, contemplation etc. My specialty is working one-on-one to personalize the techniques based on a person’s needs for their unique personal and spiritual growth path. Thanks for the question! Bev
Hi Bev. Clearly from reading all the positive feedback and seeing how many people are feeling lost lonely fearful of ‘losing it’ all alone and isolated, it makes you feel you are not alone. You are an angel wuth loads of compassion, insight and empathy. Praying I can find the strength too to feel happy, listen to good music again (can’t live without it), soothes the soul and most importantly get my sense of humour back xx Miss the laughing…… So vital for the soul. I need my family to have the ‘old’ real me back. Gone M.I.A. Thank you Bev xxxx
Hi Kim,
I’m SO glad that you’ve realized from reading all the comments and soulful sharing that you’re not alone in this journey. I have a feeling that you’re going to get your sense of humour back and that your family is going to get a more authentic and freer version of YOU. That’s what this DNOS journey is about! It’s not easy but when we come through it we feel a deeper sense of peace, meaning and alignment with our true self. Much love, Bev.
Hi Bev. I just discovered dark night of the soul last night because I have been feeling lost, confused, frustrated, losing interest in everything and also a loss of identity for a while. Learning about this has made me realised that I am going through this as I feel like I don’t know myself. I am having trouble navigating through it. Could you please give me an advice on how to find myself? I have no idea what to do as I am kind of living in a daze everyday.
Hi Laetitia,
I know how challenging this journey can be! It sounds like you are at a turning point where you’re being called to begin to get to know yourself – your deeper self. I have written a lot of blogs and a book to answer your question about how to begin the inward journey of connecting with yourself. Even with the information, however, it is hard to navigate through it and very helpful to have a guide as each journey is unique. Please feel free to send me an email at bev@bevjanisch.com if you’d like personalized support. Much love, Bev
I feel like my soul wants to go back where it came from.
I feel the same way. Homesick feeling I have had since childhood.
I randomly went searching for an explanation that I felt that fit to what I have recently gone through. Litterly every piece of life around me and steps I had taken when I moved from my hometown was stripped down. It felt like something was saying you don’t belong here anymore you need to bloom. It started with my last relationship, I felt it needed to end as I was in a dark place In the relationship yet in a light place in my own world. Next, I had covid, met a new guy and we kept randomly having things happen such as getting kicked out of bars, multiple random things happening to where we had to leave bars, things lighting on fire, then I had a breakdown at work- a place I felt most accepted at and highly respected had finally ended. It was as if I knew I could take more yet my soul couldn’t. Next thing was back home some negative things were happening when I wasn’t around. The last call that happened was a feeling I couldn’t shake, an intuition that something serious was headed my way. The call I listened to was when I got into a car accident and my car was totaled. Something was telling me I needed to leave my old life behind and begin again. Everything happened as if something knew I wouldn’t move onto a next chapter unless everything in my current life was stripped away from me. Now, I am back in my hometown and feel aligned almost like I am in position in a waiting process while my path is being put together like a puzzle. I am now dating an amazing guy who I never thought I would find.
I thought I would share a shortened version of my recent days.
Hi Ali,
Thanks so much for sharing your recent journey with us. Letting go of the old to embrace what wants/needs to emerge takes a lot of courage. I’m so grateful to hear that you have found your way and are living in alignment! Much love, Bev
I feel like I’ve been going through the dark night of the soul myself and seeing that there are so many others out there going through the same thing brings encouragement. It feels I’ve been on this path for almost 2 months now. At first I didn’t know what was happening in my life but then I heard about the Dark night of the soul and it describes exactly what I am going through. So i talked with my pastor and he said it was a time when we feel isolated from God, spiritual dryness and a time of growth.
Hi Lila,
Thanks so much for sharing with us that you’ve been navigating the dark night of the soul. It warms my heart that hearing from others leaves you knowing that you are not alone! This dark night of the soul truly is a time of initiation to a new way of being that brings deeper meaning, love and connection. I’m so grateful that you have a pastor that has helped you understand what you are experiencing. Much love to you, Bev.
So grateful for sharing this content.
Hi Priyanka,
I’m glad you’ve found the content meaningful! Love, Bev
Can’t thank you enough Bev! Everything you say is so inspiring!
I felt like you were describing exactly how I feel and what is happening to me.
Thanks for encouraging all of us! Much love to you
Hi Karen,
Thank you SO much for the kind feedback. It means a great deal to me to hear from others as it truly gives us a sense that we’re not alone. It’s also super helpful to hear that what’s written describes what you’re experiencing as it validates that there are some common threads in this spiritual process. Much love to you as well!!! Bev
This article was a beacon of hope to me, thank you for writing it so beautifuly. I’m going through a breakup with a person I love dearly because it has been a while since I stopped seeing the light. The pain is excruciating but I hope this was the best choice for both of us so I can heal myself whilst doing soul searching. Much love to you all
Hi Miguel,
I’m SO glad that the article has provided hope at such a difficult time in your life. My heart goes out to you as I know how painful and difficult it is to find the courage to follow your soul when that requires that you break up with someone you love. I and everyone else that reads this will be sending you so much love. Just know that you’re not alone! Bev
Great interview between two lovely, awakened souls. I’m taking away Angela’s comment that the dark night of the soul “happens FOR you.” So obvious when you start to come out the other side.
Dear Kathy,
Thanks for sharing your powerful takeaway that the process happens “for” us, even though it often doesn’t feel like that at the time. I’m so grateful you’re coming out the other side! Love, Bev
How do i continue to stay on this path of awakening my soul it feels good and makes me happy and ive lived a long life of miserable unhappy and unhealty. I dont want this feeling to fade away please help me stay on this track
Todd, thank you for sharing with us here and a great question about how to continue on this path! Once you start on this path of awakening it is really about continuing to be guided as to what your next step might be. In terms of not wanting the feeling to fade, we know that the path ebbs and flows as do our feelings. Staying on track is really about continuing with our daily spiritual practices that enable us to present for whatever is arising in the moment. Building presence really is the key! Much love, Bev
Hi Bev. I may just be beginning to plant my feet on solid ground out the other side of what might have been this journey, rather than a debilitating illness. Time will tell. Thank you for this site, which seems like a breath of fresh air, validating the ‘soul’s journey’ in times that in many ways mitigates against it. And for sharing so much information in bite-sized chunks. A gem discovered. With thanks Gareth
Hi Gareth- thank you so much for your kind feedback about my site. I’m grateful to hear that you feel you’re on the other side of what is a challenging journey for many of us. Thank you for sharing this as it provides a source of inspiration and hope for people at different stages in their journey. My deepest thanks, Bev.
Am really struggling, its been almost 3 years and still can’t figure out how life gonna come back to my soul.
James
Hi James, I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. You are not alone as so many of us are either experiencing this passage or have at some point in our lives. Please send me an email if you’re seeking mentoring during this time. Much love to you!
Hi Bev,
Thanks for your response. Am glad also that you are concerned. I may be reached through jmputi@yahoo.com
You are welcome.
I love how you share your story here, describing it as a stripping away to leave your brightest self shining. It’s the most important work we will ever do. Thanks for this article Bev.
Hi Donna! Thanks for your comment. It truly is the most important work we will ever do to leave our “brightest self-shining.” I love how you said that!
Thank you for your article.
I am going through one of the most difficult times I have ever done after divorce. I cant see any light ahead and therefore your article is really inspiring.
You’re welcome! I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time and that this article has inspired you to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s not easy and you’re not alone. Much love, Bev