Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional: A Mindfulness Practice for Resilience

Pain is a natural part of life, but how we respond to it makes all the difference.

The idea that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional” is deeply rooted in Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths. This wisdom teaches that while suffering (dukkha) is part of the human experience, we amplify it by resisting the present moment.

Simply put, pain is unavoidable, but suffering arises from our resistance.

A helpful formula to remember is pain + resistance = suffering.

There’s a simple yet transformative mindfulness practice that I call N.A.K. (Notice, Allow, Kindness) that helps us move from suffering to resilience by cultivating awareness, acceptance, and self-compassion in moments of pain or discomfort. Here’s a deeper look into each step:

NOTICE

The first step is to become aware of what you’re feeling. This can be physical pain, emotional stress, or mental suffering. Pause for a moment and recognize that you’re experiencing discomfort without rushing to fix or change it.

How to Practice: Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Try to notice the physical sensations in your body, your thoughts, and your emotional state. Label what you’re feeling—whether it’s stress, frustration, sadness, or physical tension—and simply acknowledge its presence.

ALLOW

Once you’ve noticed the pain or discomfort, the natural response is often resistance—we want it to go away. The second step is to allow the experience to be there without trying to fight or suppress it. Create space for it to exist as part of the human experience.

How to Practice: Sit with your discomfort and gently allow it to exist. You don’t have to like it or accept it forever, but in this moment, notice your resistance. Allow the feelings to rise and fall, knowing they will eventually pass. Breathe deeply and give yourself permission to experience what’s happening, without judgment.

KINDNESS

The final and most crucial step is to treat yourself with kindness. When we’re in pain, the inner critic often emerges, amplifying our suffering with thoughts like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I should be stronger.” Counter this by intentionally offering yourself compassion.

How to Practice: Once you’ve allowed your feelings to be present, focus on softening the inner dialogue. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend going through the same situation. You might say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “I’m doing the best I can.” Acknowledge your struggle, and set the intention to meet it with kindness and understanding, rather than criticism. The blog post, Mindful Self-Compassion Practices For Times Of Stress And Struggle provides more tips about how to be more compassionate with yourself.

By following the Notice, Allow, and Kindness practice, you can navigate pain and suffering with more ease. This practice empowers you to observe your experiences without getting overwhelmed by them, cultivate resilience over time. The more you practice, the more natural it will become to treat yourself with compassion, even in difficult moments.

Here’s a short 4-minute video to inspire you: