Disconnection Stress: The Hidden Tension That Drains Your Energy and Dims Your Spark

Have you ever felt like something is missing—even when life looks ‘fine’ on the outside?

You have so much to be grateful for—maybe a stable job, good relationships, a home, or a life that should feel fulfilling. And yet, there’s a nagging sense that something isn’t quite right. Maybe it’s a quiet restlessness, a lack of enthusiasm, or a deep exhaustion that no amount of sleep or self-care seems to fix.

This isn’t just burnout or everyday stress. It’s something deeper. It’s what I’ve come to call disconnection stress.

I know this feeling all too well. Years ago, everything looked ‘fine’ on the outside, but inside, something felt profoundly off. I was lost, confused and stuck!

What is Disconnection Stress?

Disconnection Stress is the hidden tension that arises when you become disconnected from yourself, your purpose, or the people around you.

Unlike acute stress, which often has a clear cause and resolution, or chronic stress caused by external stressors, disconnection stress is more subtle. It’s a low-grade, lingering unease that slowly drains your vitality, creativity, and emotional well-being.

What Causes Disconnection Stress?

Disconnection stress doesn’t appear overnight—it builds slowly, often without us realizing it, as we drift away from our true selves and authentic lives.

1. Living from Personality, Not Soul

Often, it begins when we start living from our personality rather than our soul—prioritizing external expectations over our inner truth. The Enneagram helps us see how our type-specific patterns keep us trapped in habitual stress responses:

Each Enneagram type has unique ways of disconnecting from themselves under stress. To explore your type’s core motivations and how they contribute to disconnection stress, read this blog post on the core motivations of each Enneagram type.

Without self-awareness, our personality habits reinforce stress and disconnection, keeping us stuck in loops that prevent deep fulfillment.

2. Gender Conditioning & Societal Expectations

Cultural and gender expectations shape how we navigate stress, emotions, and self-worth. Many women, for example, have been conditioned to prioritize caregiving, being emotional sponges, and being “pleasing” over their own needs and desires. Women often feel guilty for setting boundaries or prioritizing themselves, while men may feel disconnected due to pressure to appear strong, successful, and unemotional.

When we suppress our authentic self to fit into predefined roles, disconnection stress grows silently—until we no longer recognize what we truly want or who we are.

3. Suppressing True Needs & Desires

Many people suppress their true needs to avoid conflict or please others. Over time, they lose touch with what lights them up, leading to numbness, restlessness, or uncertainty about what they truly need.

4. Major Life Transitions & Uncertainty

Changes like a career shift, ending a relationship, or questioning identity when children leave home or through loss can amplify disconnection stress. When familiar roles fall away, we may feel lost, asking, Who am I now? What really matters?

5. Lack of Meaningful Relationships

Even when surrounded by people, we can feel unseen or emotionally disconnected. Research confirms that loneliness isn’t just about being alone—it’s about the absence of true connection.

6. Chronic Stress & Nervous System Overload

When life keeps us in constant overwhelm, we stay stuck in survival mode—always on high alert, disconnected from joy, intuition, and emotional depth.

7. Loss of Purpose & Soul Hunger

Even with outward success, many feel an inner void when they lack a deeper sense of purpose. If you’ve checked all the boxes—career, relationships, stability—but something still feels missing, your soul may be craving deeper alignment.

Signs of Disconnection Stress Include:

Understanding these subtle inner feelings and giving them a name is the first step toward transforming them into meaningful growth and thriving. When we can identify disconnection stress, we begin to address it—before it manifests as deeper emotional, physical, or spiritual distress. These feelings may seem small at first, but left unacknowledged, they have a profound impact on our overall well-being.

Can you relate to feeling any of the following?:

• A vague feeling that something important is missing when you have a lot to be grateful for
• Soul Hunger—a craving or deep ache for deeper meaning and connection
• Emotional numbness, restlessness, or exhaustion
• A lack of fulfillment in work, relationships, or life in general
• Feeling like you’re just going through the motions but not truly living
• Feeling lost, confused or stuck

Why Is Disconnection Stress So Harmful?

Disconnection stress operates in the background of your life, slowly depleting your life force energy. Over time, it can lead to:

• Chronic stress and nervous system dysregulation
• Physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances
• Emotional struggles, including anxiety, low motivation, depression and difficulty feeling joy
• Relationship challenges—feeling distant, misunderstood, or unseen

When I was struggling with this invisible stress, I didn’t have a name for it. I just knew that something felt off, and I couldn’t shake the restlessness. Looking back, I now see that I was deeply disconnected from myself. I had been so busy being a wife, mother, nurse, daughter, friend and ‘good” woman that I lost touch with myself. I wrote about inner struggles with the feeling that something was missing here.

How Do You Begin to Reconnect?

Having taken this journey myself, I know from experience that disconnection stress isn’t permanent. Once you recognize it, you can take small, intentional steps to reconnect with yourself, your purpose, and the relationships that matter most and reclaim your vitality.

How do you find your way back to yourself? I outlined the journey in the 4 Keys for Peace & Possibility Framework, a structured approach that helps people transform their inner ache that something is missing into clarity, confidence, and deep self-trust. It’s a journey that leads to living with vibrant health, meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose.