If you’ve read about the Dark Night of the Soul and recognized yourself in that journey of unraveling and awakening, you might be wondering what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

Here’s what I’ve discovered through my own journey and walking alongside others: what we call the “dark night of the soul” is really about our personality and not our soul. If you’re not familiar with what the dark night of the soul means or the purpose of it, I wrote about that here.

Your soul is that essential energy containing your spiritual blueprint for who you’re meant to become, can never be destroyed. It’s only hidden from your awareness. What’s actually happening during the dark night is that you’re loosening your identification with the personality patterns you created to survive.

And that’s where things get interesting.

Why Your Personality Becomes a Prison

William Meader, an esoteric philosophy teacher, calls our personality our “outer garment.” We develop this persona to survive as children—and it works beautifully for a while.

But over time, these same personality patterns that once enabled us to navigate the world become increasingly rigid. They begin to suffocate the natural expansion of our soul. What once helped us survive starts limiting our growth and blocking deeper connection with others and what feels meaningful.

Think about it: Have you ever caught yourself thinking, feeling, or reacting in ways that feel automatic—almost like you’re on autopilot? That’s your personality structure running the show.

The problem isn’t that you have a personality. The problem is when your personality becomes so fixed that it feels like a prison, blocking access to who you truly are underneath all those learned patterns.

How to See Your Specific Patterns

Here’s where most people get stuck. You might sense that something feels off, that you’re living according to old programming, but you can’t quite see the patterns clearly enough to change them.

This is where meditation falls short. While meditation has incredible benefits—helping you become more resilient and peaceful—it doesn’t help you identify the specific lens through which you see the world. Meditation helps you adapt better inside your personality prison, but it doesn’t show you how to unlock the door.

This is where the Enneagram becomes invaluable.

The Enneagram reveals nine different personality patterns, each with its own way of seeing and reacting to the world. As Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile says,

A person’s Enneagram type is like a mask, a layer of self-protective personality put on in early childhood. The goal of understanding one’s number is to remove the mask and bring one’s healthy, True Self to light.

The Enneagram gives you the blueprint to see your prison walls clearly. Then practices like meditation and mindfulness give you the tools to find your way to freedom.

My Own Personality Prison

Let me share what this looked like in my own life, because it might sound familiar.

My personality “outer garment” was built on the belief that I was meant to suppress my wants and needs and go with the flow of others. I was motivated by being liked and avoiding conflict, and as a result, I slowly lost my SELF.

This personality pattern served me well for years! It helped me raise a family, maintain a happy marriage, become a successful nurse, build friendships, and achieve many other things I’m grateful for. Our personality patterns aren’t all bad, as they contain real gifts.

But like all good things, when overdone, they become problematic.

The same way of being that had worked so well began motivating me to make decisions that weren’t aligned with my soul’s path. I had all the signs my soul was speaking to me: I felt like something was missing even though I had so much to be grateful for. My previously meaningful life felt flat. I was burnt out, empty, and lost.

This was my dark night of the personality—the beginning of removing that well-worn mask.

I had to integrate those parts of myself I’d left behind: my voice, my dreams, my feelings, my needs, and my gifts. It was dark and difficult because I had to let go of who I was not and shift into becoming my more authentic self.

The Liberation Process: Birth-Death-Rebirth

Periods of transformation always involve the death of something that needs to disappear.

Nature teaches us that all life follows the pattern of birth-death-rebirth. In the dark night of the personality, you die to your conditioned patterns and give birth to your more authentic self.

This is what Joseph Campbell called the Hero’s Journey—hearing the call and responding with courage to embark on a new adventure. While often portrayed as a physical quest, it’s really about the inward journey.

You face your fears and shadows, bringing them into the light for transformation. As you do this, you expand into your soul’s expression, and those parts that were dormant—waiting patiently for you to awaken—are brought into the light.

Your personality doesn’t disappear. Instead, it takes on what I call a “luminous quality” and assumes its rightful place in your life: as an outer garment that enables you to express your soul in the world, rather than blocking it.

From Prison to Purpose

Your soul is calling you to be of service, to live with compassion, to practice forgiveness, and to alchemize all your experiences—both beautiful and challenging—into greater love and wisdom.

The dark night of the personality is the doorway through which you bring your soul and its connection to spirit into conscious awareness. It’s the journey of a lifetime and the ultimate homecoming, enabling you to live an integrated life with deeper meaning, purpose, and connection.

If you’re curious about what others have experienced during this transformation, I’ve gathered 7 truths from people who’ve been through the dark night that might normalize and encourage your own journey.”

To understand your own personality patterns more deeply, you might explore Enneagram discovery sessions where we can identify your specific type and create a personalized path for loosening those old patterns.

This work isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about freeing yourself to become who you’ve always been underneath all those protective layers.

Have you noticed your own personality patterns becoming restrictive? Let’s chat in the comments—our community would love to hear from you!