If you’ve read about the Dark Night of the Soul and recognized yourself in that journey of unraveling and awakening, you might be wondering what’s actually happening beneath the surface.
Here’s what I’ve discovered through my own journey and walking alongside others: what we call the “dark night of the soul” is really the dark night of the personality.
Your soul is that essential energy containing your spiritual blueprint for who you’re meant to become, can never be destroyed. It’s only hidden from your awareness. What’s actually happening during the dark night is that you’re loosening your identification with the personality patterns you created to survive.
And that’s where things get interesting.
Why Your Personality Becomes a Prison
William Meader, an esoteric philosophy teacher, calls our personality our “outer garment.” We develop this persona to survive as children—and it works beautifully for a while.
But over time, these same personality patterns that once enabled us to navigate the world become increasingly rigid. They begin to suffocate the natural expansion of our soul. What once helped us survive starts limiting our growth and blocking deeper connection with others and what feels meaningful.
Think about it: Have you ever caught yourself thinking, feeling, or reacting in ways that feel automatic—almost like you’re on autopilot? That’s your personality structure running the show.
The problem isn’t that you have a personality. The problem is when your personality becomes so fixed that it feels like a prison, blocking access to who you truly are underneath all those learned patterns.
How to See Your Specific Patterns
Here’s where most people get stuck. You might sense that something feels off, that you’re living according to old programming, but you can’t quite see the patterns clearly enough to change them.
This is where meditation falls short. While meditation has incredible benefits—helping you become more resilient and peaceful—it doesn’t help you identify the specific lens through which you see the world. Meditation helps you adapt better inside your personality prison, but it doesn’t show you how to unlock the door.
This is where the Enneagram becomes invaluable.
The Enneagram reveals nine different personality patterns, each with its own way of seeing and reacting to the world. As Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile says, “A person’s Enneagram type is like a mask, a layer of self-protective personality put on in early childhood. The goal of understanding one’s number is to remove the mask and bring one’s healthy, True Self to light.”
The Enneagram gives you the blueprint to see your prison walls clearly. Then practices like meditation and mindfulness give you the tools to find your way to freedom.
My Own Personality Prison
Let me share what this looked like in my own life, because it might sound familiar.
My personality “outer garment” was built on the belief that I was meant to suppress my wants and needs and go with the flow of others. I was motivated by being liked and avoiding conflict, and as a result, I slowly lost my SELF.
This personality pattern served me well for years! It helped me raise a family, maintain a happy marriage, become a successful nurse, build friendships, and achieve many other things I’m grateful for. Our personality patterns aren’t all bad, as they contain real gifts.
But like all good things, when overdone, they become problematic.
The same way of being that had worked so well began motivating me to make decisions that weren’t aligned with my soul’s path. I had all the signs my soul was speaking to me: I felt like something was missing even though I had so much to be grateful for. My previously meaningful life felt flat. I was burnt out, empty, and lost.
This was my dark night of the personality—the beginning of removing that well-worn mask.
I had to integrate those parts of myself I’d left behind: my voice, my dreams, my feelings, my needs, and my gifts. It was dark and difficult because I had to let go of who I was not and shift into becoming my more authentic self.
The Liberation Process: Birth-Death-Rebirth
Periods of transformation always involve the death of something that needs to disappear.
Nature teaches us that all life follows the pattern of birth-death-rebirth. In the dark night of the personality, you die to your conditioned patterns and give birth to your more authentic self.
This is what Joseph Campbell called the Hero’s Journey—hearing the call and responding with courage to embark on a new adventure. While often portrayed as a physical quest, it’s really about the inward journey.
You face your fears and shadows, bringing them into the light for transformation. As you do this, you expand into your soul’s expression, and those parts that were dormant—waiting patiently for you to awaken—are brought into the light.
Your personality doesn’t disappear. Instead, it takes on what I call a “luminous quality” and assumes its rightful place in your life: as an outer garment that enables you to express your soul in the world, rather than blocking it.
From Prison to Purpose
Your soul is calling you to be of service, to live with compassion, to practice forgiveness, and to alchemize all your experiences—both beautiful and challenging—into greater love and wisdom.
The dark night of the personality is the doorway through which you bring your soul and its connection to spirit into conscious awareness. It’s the journey of a lifetime and the ultimate homecoming, enabling you to live an integrated life with deeper meaning, purpose, and connection.
If you’re curious about what others have experienced during this transformation, I’ve gathered 7 truths from people who’ve been through the dark night that might normalize and encourage your own journey.”
To understand your own personality patterns more deeply, you might explore Enneagram discovery sessions where we can identify your specific type and create a personalized path for loosening those old patterns.
This work isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about freeing yourself to become who you’ve always been underneath all those protective layers.
Have you noticed your own personality patterns becoming restrictive? Let’s chat in the comments—our community would love to hear from you!
Hmm, Interesting article.
How does the Dark night of the Soul differ from.Mental.Health?
Great question! I’ve given that a lot of thought and will perhaps write a blog to share my reflections. Thanks for asking!
I have never heard of Enneagram so I appreciate you introducing it. Everything you’ve spoken about is right in line with how I’m feeling. I however feel like there is a deeper hurt inside of me that I’m fearful of addressing. I’m not certain if enneagram techniques Will be helpful in addressing everything that is burning inside of me. I don’t know how else to explain it I have lost a great number of people in my life and don’t really have a true support system so I appreciate the opportunity of commenting here. I just hope that you still get notifications of comments.
Thank you kindly.
Hi Melissa,
Thanks for sharing here. I think you’ll find the Enneagram helpful for understanding yourself as well as your growth path. Your inner wisdom is likely very insightful about a deeper hurt that won’t be addressed by knowing your Enneagram number. Having lost a great number of people in your life, there is understandbly fear, grief and loss that is calling for you to attend to. I hope you’re able to get some support so that you can compassionately turn towards the “burning inside” in a safe place. Much love, Bev.
Help me please?? My soul is speaking to me but I’m scared to let go of what I know, although all I want to do is listen to it!
Hi Tiffany,
You are definitely not alone in being fearful of letting go of what you know. It is often a step into the unknown which is really challenging for our sense of identify. It’s often helpful to ask for help from someone who can support you on the journey. If you’re looking for mentorship please email me at bev@bevjanisch.com. Much love, Bev
I couldn’t agree more! I found the Enneagram at the time I was going through a very rough patch. Studying it rocked my world, really!
After a lifetime of self exploration I found this body of work that allowed me to truly SEE and understand what was happening with me. Thank you for introducing me to the Enneagram Bev!
I love the line about how meditation helps you be more resilient in prison! Yep, we are in prison and the Enneagram helps do the work to get out.
Thank you for writing this excellent article.
Hi Donna,
Thanks for sharing with us here! I’m so glad the Enneagram found you at a time that you most needed it! So true that the Enneagram helps us to “truly SEE” ourselves. Love, Bev.
This is awesome and brings so much light to what I am experiencing at this present moment! I understand that my soul wants to come forth and I’ve been constructing that. Man, I just want more and more of this knowledge to Mae applicable in my life and share with others how to get out of prison!!!
Hi Tracey,
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad this post has shed some light on what you’re experiencing! Love, Bev
Oh wow, this makes perfect sense. I’m going to spend more time with the Enneagram and implement its insights into my journey.
Hi Kathy,
I’m so glad to hear you’re going to spend more time with the Enneagram. It truly is a powerful map for deeper self-knowledge (as well as understanding other people in our lives) and illuminating our way forward. Love, Bev
Thanks Guys!? More Vital Info to help on this Soul Journey! Take Care!??️.
Thank you Kathy! I’m wondering how to determine our number on the enneagram? I also wanted to know if you think specific relationships, even if they are with good people, can hold us back from becoming our true selves?
Best,
Kristina H
Hi Kristina,
Thanks for your great questions! There are a number of ways to determine your Enneagram number. You can read books about it, do an online test or have a “typing” interview to help narrow your focus. I’ve found all three to be helpful, especially when you are committed to personal and spiritual growth. Finding our number is really just the beginning of the process which provides a path for awakening to our true nature and authentic self.
In terms of relationships and the role they play in becoming our true selves it’s been my experience that relationships are needed for us to become our true selves. From a spiritual perspective, relationships exist to help us understand ourselves better and shed a light on those areas that we might not see. What I often see is that people perceive others to be holding them back, when in fact they are holding themselves back. In the process of evolving and doing our inner work, we gain clarity about whether the relationship is meant to evolve along with us or whether we’re meant to lovingingly release it. Much love, Bev