What Chronic Stress Taught Me About Peace and Possibility: 4 Life-Changing Lessons
Every challenge in our lives, even the most difficult ones, carries an invitation to awaken more fully to who we truly are. My journey with stress taught me this in ways I never expected, opening a doorway to deeper vitality, connection, and purpose.
Like many of us, I spent years thinking stress was just part of life. The tension headaches, hormone imbalances, disrupted sleep, and need to unwind with an occasional drink? Just normal parts of being a busy adult. Even as a meditation teacher with a daily practice, I carried this belief that I was handling stress well enough.
But the universe had other plans for me and the lessons I was meant to learn.
When I found myself caring for my aging parents while navigating other life challenges, something shifted. Watching my parents’ suffering and ultimately losing my mom in a traumatic way created a perfect storm that even my meditation practice couldn’t fully weather. It felt like being caught in a vast ocean during a tempest, focusing only on survival as huge waves threatened to overtake my boat.
The most humbling part? As someone who taught others about peace and possibility, I found myself barely able to get off the couch, experiencing mysterious physical and emotional symptoms that both confused and frightened me. It was as if my body was forcing me to pause my entire life – a pause that would ultimately lead to profound transformation.
Here are the four essential lessons this journey taught me:
1. Stress isn’t the problem, but getting STUCK is.
When we’re caught in stress, our nervous system gets stuck in fight-or-flight mode. While my meditation practice helped, I needed more intentional practices to shift out of survival mode and into a state where healing could happen. I discovered that self-regulation through conscious breathing was the foundation for all deeper change.
2. There’s a difference between the stress and the stressor.
When we’re so focused on external stressors we forget to address how stress affects our bodies and souls. I learned – through firsthand experience – that when we don’t create space for processing and healing, our bodies will eventually force us to stop. The key is learning to listen before we reach that point.
3. Healing requires both science and soul.
True transformation happens when we address both our physical and spiritual needs. Through developing the 4 Keys For Peace and Possibility Framework, I discovered how vital it is to blend practical tools for nervous system regulation with deeper soul work. This integration creates the conditions for lasting change.
4. Allow the journey to change you.
The common thread in all healing stories is this: we’re being invited to become more of our true selves and less influenced by our conditioned patterns and fears. For me, this meant seeing how my tendency to please others and avoid conflict had contributed to my stress. Understanding my Enneagram type 9 patterns helped me recognize these tendencies and choose a different path.
Looking back now, I can see that the storm was actually a sacred invitation. While I wouldn’t choose to go through it again, I’m deeply grateful for how it transformed me. I’m not the same person who entered that storm – I’ve emerged with greater inner peace, clarity about what truly matters, and a deeper connection to my authentic self.
If you’re navigating your own storm right now, know that you’re not alone. While every journey is unique, there are tools and practices that can support you in moving from stress to peace. Start with something as simple as conscious breathing – it’s often the first step toward coming home to yourself.
Remember: You’re not meant to just survive stress – you’re meant to use it as a catalyst for awakening to your truest self.
Want to explore how to transform your relationship with stress? Learn more about the 4 Keys to Peace and Possibility or join our next Kitchen Table Chat where we gather to learn, share, and grow together.
Dear Bev:
I am so sorry for your loss. You have weathered such a difficult storm.
Reading your raw crisis account, it is truly encouraging that upon having to stop and purposefully care for yourself, you have come out the other side of this turbulent time stronger and more clear with your ‘self’ than before!
At the beginning of 2023, we lost both of our geriatric and beloved K9 family pets. It wasn’t until after an entire month of my body protesting that I was convinced taking a leave of absence at the end of 2023 was prudent and necessary. With worsening physical symptoms, I realized the need to immediately change my circumstances. The physical effects of stress and unresolved mental and emotional matters finally stopped me in my tracks; however, the gift that my body’s non-negotiable protests gave me (or forced upon me) ended up being the immediacy of tackling my necessary healing.
It seems that our ‘growth experiences’ prefer not to present themselves in a way that most of us would logically choose, but in speaking for myself, had I not physically been disrupted, I would not have reevaluated the physical circumstances as well as the emotional and mental states I found myself in at that time (three short months ago).
In the spirit of healing and caring for ourselves with self compassion, may I ask if you are willing to share what exercises you find helpful when referring to limbic system regulation and vagus nerve toning, please? I would love to add these valuable tools into my routine; however, the plethora of information available feels a little overwhelming!
Take care of yourself, Bev!
Hi Jodi,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved family pets! I love how you described that stress can become our “growth experiences.” So very true!
Thank you for the question about the specific practices that I used. You’ve inspired me to update my blog with that information. Love, Bev.
So happy for you Bev! It is extremely hard work! But you rose above it ! I’m also on this path and feeling so much lighter but know there is more work to be done!
Love Donna ♥️🙏
Donna, I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling so much lighter!!! Love, Bev.
Hi Bev, We all experience trauma and breaking away from it is definitely a challenge. I retired about 4 years ago, losing a daily routine that I loved, moved across the country just before COVID struck and demanded isolation. I was getting away from family deaths and a lifetime of environmentalism within an inflexible political environment.
I still feel lost. Meditating is supposed to help you liver in the present, getting away from past stress and future fears. You can’t change the past and if you live your life with your values intact that should take care of the future. Right? I have never been able to break through this. Our past experiences make us who we are, our values. I see a planet in crisis and I feel the need to help because I fear for the legacy of a future that my grandchildren are going to live in. However, I find myself unfocused, unable to get down to the task. However, recently I have begun to pick up my threads to the climate research I had been doing and this is a healing process for me – I am not meditating. I am looking forward to sharing my research to motivate climate action. Meditating, perhaps made me a calmer person, but I think , to be true to yourself you have to deal with your values and act. It sounds like you have also been able to move on. Steve
Hi Steve,
Thanks for sharing with us here! I’m thrilled to hear that you’re moving through some resistance to pick us some threads and research what you’re passionate about. Such a great perspective about being true to ourselves through action and our values. Love, Bev.
Thank you Bev this is insightful and has given me space to think about my connections with my current stress and its effects on my mental and physical wellbeing.
Hi Heather,
I’m honoured to hear that this post has created space for you! Love, Bev.
Dear Bev, What a candid, deep, soul sharing piece. It is so valuable for us to realize we need to take care of ourselves so we can continue our caring work. You have woven such an amazing blend of the pain and the triumph for others to see that both can be present. Your affirmation of gifts coming in the process of the dark night of the soul is so important for others to hear about the potential richness of this experience. It is also wonderful that you provide actual tools for others to tap in their own journeys. You have given us an invaluable gift! Thank You CindyHoard
Thank you, Cindy! It’s beautiful how you highlighted that “pain and triumph” can co-exist. Love, Bev.