What Is The Purpose Of The Dark Night Of The Soul?
The Dark Night of the Soul (DNOS) represents a profound period of transition and awakening. It is a psychological and spiritual call to shed the conditioned self that no longer serves us, making way for a new, more aligned way of being.
The Experience of the Dark Night of The Soul
The DNOS is often accompanied by stress, confusion, and a deep sense of loss. Many feel as though the foundation of their lives has been pulled out from under them, leaving them in a void where their previous ways of understanding themselves and the world no longer fit. This transition can feel like an emotional and spiritual freefall, leading us to question everything we once believed to be true.
The phrase “dark night of the soul” was first used by John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic and poet from the 16th century. It has since become a metaphor for the spiritual process of transformation. Dr. Zinia Pritchard, a Contemplative Practice Theologian, beautifully described the DNOS as
a spiritual process where the seed of life is buried within the soil of suffering.
Nature operates with divine timing, and so does the DNOS. It unfolds when the time is right, often when we are ready to transition into a new way of navigating life. Those who experience the DNOS are often “old souls,” called to leave behind ego-driven ways of living and embrace a path guided by the soul.
This journey requires healing and integrating our pasts, creating peace in the present, and aligning our lives with our soul’s wisdom rather than our ego-driven personalities.
Ultimately, it is about coming into right relationship with both our personality and soul, allowing the personality to become an instrument for the soul’s expression.
The Liminal Space
During the DNOS, we find ourselves in a liminal space—caught between no longer and not yet. The old self feels distant and irrelevant, while the new self has not yet fully emerged. Gerald G. May, a psychiatrist and spiritual counselor, described this beautifully in The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth:
There are moments of dawning awareness, little cracks in our armor that reveal glimpses of our deeper longing and true nature. Things that gave us pleasure in the past may now seem empty.”
A soul orchestrated intervention
The DNOS is an intervention orchestrated by the soul, a way of signaling that it is time to reconnect with our true selves. It occurs when we have drifted too far from our authentic nature, living lives dictated by conditioned expectations rather than the truth of who we are. It challenges us to let go of who we think we should be and instead embrace who we are meant to be.
For me, this process began with a deep sense of emptiness, despite living a life many would consider ideal. It felt as though I had retreated into a cocoon, shedding the conditioned layers that had been suffocating my soul.
This painful yet transformative process redirected my energy inward, opening me to my inner wisdom and the soul’s guidance.
A Rebirth
The DNOS is ultimately about rebirth—letting go of the old self and stepping into alignment with our soul’s truth. As James Hollis, Ph.D., wrote in Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey:
There is no going forward without a death of some kind: a death of who we thought we were and were supposed to be; a death of a map of the world we thought worthy of our trust and investment… But life has other plans; indeed, our own souls have other plans.
As we emerge from the DNOS, our lives take on greater depth and authenticity. The personality no longer eclipses the soul but becomes a vessel for its expression. This alignment allows us to live with meaning, connection, and purpose.
Moving Forward
If you’re experiencing the dark night of the soul, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. As someone who understands both the challenges and the transformative potential of this journey, I offer compassionate guidance that honors where you are while supporting where you’re called to go. To explore working together, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation.
In the following interview, I speak with Dr. Angela Grace, a registered psychologist and holistic healer, about integrating spirituality and psychology and her journey through the dark night of the soul.
Let’s chat in the comments. Our community would love to hear from you!
(Original post, May 25, 2020; Updated post, Sept. 28, 2021)
Dear Bev,
I am struggling with something I don’t understand. I have loved God my whole life. Why am I in such darkness? My relationships are shaky at best, and falling apart at worst. I seem to come across as cold to others when I’m nothing but. I feel like God has abandoned me and I’ve been betrayed by a great community and friends I loved for years. I’ve had to leave that community and return to a place I was born in but never considered home. I am at the end of my ability to imagine a better life and am continuously at the brink of wanting to leave this planet. I’ve never experienced this much darkness and doubt in my life. Thank you, Kelley
Hi Kelley,
Thank you for sharing with us here! After reading all the comments I hope you realize that you’re not alone in your struggles. It’s SO hard and painful when relationships either shift or fall away. I heard a song by Tish Melton, We Can Do Hard Things that reminds us of our deeper resilience to get through the times of darkness and doubt in our lives. This community of awakening souls and Life itself are wrapping you in a big, warm, loving blanket. Love, Bev.
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Knew what I was experiencing, Living in the unknown, “The Cloud of Unknowing” Helped to feed my mind (ego). Reading this article, has given my soul a voice. Shellagh
Hi Shellagh,
Thanks for sharing with us here. I’m so grateful that this article gave your soul a voice. Beautiful! Love, Bev.
Hi Bev, I can’t thank you enough for giving me all the information and excerpts and the video of this very trying time that now makes sense. I’m definitely going to be looking into your other things but I was wondering is this directly for women or men also?
Hi Debbie,
I’m so grateful to hear that my sharing has helped you to make sense of this really trying time! It truly does help to lessen our suffering when we can create some sort of meaning around it! This is definitely for both men and women. I used to work primarily with women and then had men reach out wanting support and guidance. Love, Bev.
Hi, my name is Marc. Thank you for this writing. I had a huge life change at the end of 2014 and mid 2015. A twenty year relationship abruptly ended and I just up and closed my twenty year business. I lost everything. But what became of it was the beginning of my return to god. And, trying desperately to find who I really am. I have been in this transformation so long I’m afraid my life will end this way. I seem to be addicted to the suffering. If I may ask, what do I do to find my way out?
Thank you and with gratitude
Hi Marc,
Thank you for sharing with us here! It’s really interesting that I’ve been reflecting lately that I’m inspired to share about the DNOS as part of a transformative journey because perhaps by shedding more light on it, people will be able to navigate through it and not get “stuck.”
It takes courage to see and name that you may be addicted to suffering. Are you familiar with the Enneagram? It’s a psychospiritual map that points to how different personality types have their own flavour of suffering/stress. One of the types, for example, has created an identity out of suffering – while joy and happiness are in their shadow.
In terms of how to find your way out I’d say it’s through self-discovery combined with intentional practices that will enable you first to see and then to shift things inside of you. A guide/mentor is very helpful for this. They can’t do the work for you, but the right guide can light your unique path and accompany you. Love, Bev.
Dear Bev,
Thank you for this and thank you for your courage. The conversation between you and the Angela is wonderful. I wonder, how can we be sure that our condition is the dark night of the soul and not depression?
Thank you and all the best
Hi Mihaela,
Thanks for your comment. What a great question! That’s a difficult question to answer because the worldviews that give rise to the exploration of the dark night of the soul are very different than how we arrive at the diagnosis of depression. One is based on the spiritual understanding of our soul’s evolution and the other based primarily (although not always) on the medical model and the need to diagnose and treat. From the soul’s evolution persepctive, both give rise to the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve. When I was going through the dark night of the soul, I had an inner knowing that my life wasn’t in alignment with my true self. Although I had many of the traditional symptoms of depression, I didn’t get a sense that I was “depressed.” I was lost, confused, in the fog and needing to withdraw for awhile to reconnect with my Self, but also felt that something new needed to emerge. All this to say that your question is an important one and as more people are awakening spiritually, one that over time we’ll be better able to shed a light on. Love, Bev
Dear Bev and All,
I loved this post and the video was so uplifting too, therein; big and cosmic thank you.
The clearing and purging and healing of soul is a most difficult albeit divinely orchestrated act of love.
Be love always and please do keep doing what you’re doing ❤️
Thanks so much! Your thoughtful comments means a lot and inspires me to continue on this path. Love, Bev.
Dear Bev,
What meditation are you certified to teach?
Hi Dee,
I’m certified through The McLean Meditation Institute and specialize in teaching techniques taught in various traditions, but I don’t teach the traditions themselves. For example, I teach and integrate into my coaching mindfulness, mantra meditation, body scans, forgiveness, self-compassion, loving-kindness, contemplation etc. My specialty is working one-on-one to personalize the techniques based on a person’s needs for their unique personal and spiritual growth path. Thanks for the question! Bev
Hi Bev. Clearly from reading all the positive feedback and seeing how many people are feeling lost lonely fearful of ‘losing it’ all alone and isolated, it makes you feel you are not alone. You are an angel wuth loads of compassion, insight and empathy. Praying I can find the strength too to feel happy, listen to good music again (can’t live without it), soothes the soul and most importantly get my sense of humour back xx Miss the laughing…… So vital for the soul. I need my family to have the ‘old’ real me back. Gone M.I.A. Thank you Bev xxxx
Hi Kim,
I’m SO glad that you’ve realized from reading all the comments and soulful sharing that you’re not alone in this journey. I have a feeling that you’re going to get your sense of humour back and that your family is going to get a more authentic and freer version of YOU. That’s what this DNOS journey is about! It’s not easy but when we come through it we feel a deeper sense of peace, meaning and alignment with our true self. Much love, Bev.
Hi Bev. I just discovered dark night of the soul last night because I have been feeling lost, confused, frustrated, losing interest in everything and also a loss of identity for a while. Learning about this has made me realised that I am going through this as I feel like I don’t know myself. I am having trouble navigating through it. Could you please give me an advice on how to find myself? I have no idea what to do as I am kind of living in a daze everyday.
Hi Laetitia,
I know how challenging this journey can be! It sounds like you are at a turning point where you’re being called to begin to get to know yourself – your deeper self. I have written a lot of blogs and a book to answer your question about how to begin the inward journey of connecting with yourself. Even with the information, however, it is hard to navigate through it and very helpful to have a guide as each journey is unique. Please feel free to send me an email at [email protected] if you’d like personalized support. Much love, Bev
I feel like my soul wants to go back where it came from.
I feel the same way. Homesick feeling I have had since childhood.
I randomly went searching for an explanation that I felt that fit to what I have recently gone through. Litterly every piece of life around me and steps I had taken when I moved from my hometown was stripped down. It felt like something was saying you don’t belong here anymore you need to bloom. It started with my last relationship, I felt it needed to end as I was in a dark place In the relationship yet in a light place in my own world. Next, I had covid, met a new guy and we kept randomly having things happen such as getting kicked out of bars, multiple random things happening to where we had to leave bars, things lighting on fire, then I had a breakdown at work- a place I felt most accepted at and highly respected had finally ended. It was as if I knew I could take more yet my soul couldn’t. Next thing was back home some negative things were happening when I wasn’t around. The last call that happened was a feeling I couldn’t shake, an intuition that something serious was headed my way. The call I listened to was when I got into a car accident and my car was totaled. Something was telling me I needed to leave my old life behind and begin again. Everything happened as if something knew I wouldn’t move onto a next chapter unless everything in my current life was stripped away from me. Now, I am back in my hometown and feel aligned almost like I am in position in a waiting process while my path is being put together like a puzzle. I am now dating an amazing guy who I never thought I would find.
I thought I would share a shortened version of my recent days.
Hi Ali,
Thanks so much for sharing your recent journey with us. Letting go of the old to embrace what wants/needs to emerge takes a lot of courage. I’m so grateful to hear that you have found your way and are living in alignment! Much love, Bev
I feel like I’ve been going through the dark night of the soul myself and seeing that there are so many others out there going through the same thing brings encouragement. It feels I’ve been on this path for almost 2 months now. At first I didn’t know what was happening in my life but then I heard about the Dark night of the soul and it describes exactly what I am going through. So i talked with my pastor and he said it was a time when we feel isolated from God, spiritual dryness and a time of growth.
Hi Lila,
Thanks so much for sharing with us that you’ve been navigating the dark night of the soul. It warms my heart that hearing from others leaves you knowing that you are not alone! This dark night of the soul truly is a time of initiation to a new way of being that brings deeper meaning, love and connection. I’m so grateful that you have a pastor that has helped you understand what you are experiencing. Much love to you, Bev.
So grateful for sharing this content.
Hi Priyanka,
I’m glad you’ve found the content meaningful! Love, Bev
Can’t thank you enough Bev! Everything you say is so inspiring!
I felt like you were describing exactly how I feel and what is happening to me.
Thanks for encouraging all of us! Much love to you
Hi Karen,
Thank you SO much for the kind feedback. It means a great deal to me to hear from others as it truly gives us a sense that we’re not alone. It’s also super helpful to hear that what’s written describes what you’re experiencing as it validates that there are some common threads in this spiritual process. Much love to you as well!!! Bev
This article was a beacon of hope to me, thank you for writing it so beautifuly. I’m going through a breakup with a person I love dearly because it has been a while since I stopped seeing the light. The pain is excruciating but I hope this was the best choice for both of us so I can heal myself whilst doing soul searching. Much love to you all
Hi Miguel,
I’m SO glad that the article has provided hope at such a difficult time in your life. My heart goes out to you as I know how painful and difficult it is to find the courage to follow your soul when that requires that you break up with someone you love. I and everyone else that reads this will be sending you so much love. Just know that you’re not alone! Bev
Great interview between two lovely, awakened souls. I’m taking away Angela’s comment that the dark night of the soul “happens FOR you.” So obvious when you start to come out the other side.
Dear Kathy,
Thanks for sharing your powerful takeaway that the process happens “for” us, even though it often doesn’t feel like that at the time. I’m so grateful you’re coming out the other side! Love, Bev
How do i continue to stay on this path of awakening my soul it feels good and makes me happy and ive lived a long life of miserable unhappy and unhealty. I dont want this feeling to fade away please help me stay on this track
Todd, thank you for sharing with us here and a great question about how to continue on this path! Once you start on this path of awakening it is really about continuing to be guided as to what your next step might be. In terms of not wanting the feeling to fade, we know that the path ebbs and flows as do our feelings. Staying on track is really about continuing with our daily spiritual practices that enable us to present for whatever is arising in the moment. Building presence really is the key! Much love, Bev
Hi Bev. I may just be beginning to plant my feet on solid ground out the other side of what might have been this journey, rather than a debilitating illness. Time will tell. Thank you for this site, which seems like a breath of fresh air, validating the ‘soul’s journey’ in times that in many ways mitigates against it. And for sharing so much information in bite-sized chunks. A gem discovered. With thanks Gareth
Hi Gareth- thank you so much for your kind feedback about my site. I’m grateful to hear that you feel you’re on the other side of what is a challenging journey for many of us. Thank you for sharing this as it provides a source of inspiration and hope for people at different stages in their journey. My deepest thanks, Bev.
Am really struggling, its been almost 3 years and still can’t figure out how life gonna come back to my soul.
James
Hi James, I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. You are not alone as so many of us are either experiencing this passage or have at some point in our lives. Please send me an email if you’re seeking mentoring during this time. Much love to you!
Hi Bev,
Thanks for your response. Am glad also that you are concerned. I may be reached through [email protected]
You are welcome.
I love how you share your story here, describing it as a stripping away to leave your brightest self shining. It’s the most important work we will ever do. Thanks for this article Bev.
Hi Donna! Thanks for your comment. It truly is the most important work we will ever do to leave our “brightest self-shining.” I love how you said that!
Thank you for your article.
I am going through one of the most difficult times I have ever done after divorce. I cant see any light ahead and therefore your article is really inspiring.
You’re welcome! I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time and that this article has inspired you to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s not easy and you’re not alone. Much love, Bev