Through my own experience and what research confirms, I’ve come to see that the quality of our relationships shapes not only our happiness but also how deeply connected, fulfilled, and alive we feel.

Many relationships begin as a safe harbor. We find someone who feels familiar, who shares our values, or who complements our life in practical ways. This is what I call a survival relationship. This transactional type of relationship is rooted in meeting needs, maintaining roles, and minimizing conflict. And while these relationships can offer stability, they often leave us feeling disconnected with a quiet ache: Is this all there is?

That ache is what I call soul hunger—a deeper form of inner stress that arises when we long for connection that nourishes who we truly are. It’s the longing for something more alive, more conscious, and more transformative.

When that longing is honored and explored, rather than dismissed or projected, we create space for a different kind of relationship: one that is not just about surviving, but about becoming the next version of ourselves.

These are what I call soul-nourishing relationships, and they’re transformational rather than transactional. Soul-nourishing relationships invite us to evolve, not by fixing our partner, but by transforming ourselves. They move us from the stress of disconnection into the possibility of authentic happiness because we feel deeply connected, seen and heard at a deeper level.

These soulful relationships are built on timeless principles that speak to the deepest truths of our soul.

Here are 7 keys for unlocking a soul-nourishing relationship:

1. The Soul Seeks Growth, Not Comfort

Growth requires friction. A soul-nourishing relationship invites evolution, not perpetual ease.

Friction in a relationship isn’t a flaw—it’s a catalyst. Soulful love doesn’t avoid challenges; it grows through them. When both people are willing to face discomfort consciously, the relationship becomes fertile ground for awakening. It’s not about always getting along—it’s about growing together.

2. The Soul Requires Truth

Authenticity is the foundation of intimacy.

Soulful relationships are built on honesty, with ourselves and others. This includes difficult truths, vulnerability, and a shared commitment to depth over pretense. They’re about being real, even when it’s messy. Without truth, we may preserve peace on the surface while slowly starving our souls underneath.

3. The Soul Honors Free Will

Each person must choose their own path.

Soulful love respects individuality. We don’t fix, rescue, or override others’ agency. Instead, we each take responsibility for our own patterns and triggers. This kind of relationship invites mutual self-responsibility and the freedom to be who you are, while holding space for the other to do the same.

4. The Soul Grows Through Service

Love becomes sacred when it’s offered in service to something greater.

This might mean a shared purpose or simply a deep commitment to support each other’s growth and potential. A soulful relationship asks: how can we serve not just each other, but also something beyond ourselves, our families, our communities, or a collective sense of meaning?

5. The Soul Needs Safety to Express Fully

Before the soul can flourish, the nervous system must feel safe.

Emotional safety is the foundation for vulnerability, creativity, and truth-telling. This safety is built through self-regulation, mutual respect, consistency, and clear boundaries. Without safety, we armor up. With safety, we open up.

6. The Soul Reflects Through Relationship

Relationships are mirrors for awakening.

What we see or react to in our partner often reveals something within us. Soulful relationships invite us to pause, reflect, and meet these moments with curiosity and compassion rather than blame.

Tools like the Enneagram can help us understand our motivations and defences—not to label ourselves or our partners, but to bring awareness to what’s really going on beneath the surface. When we stop trying to change the other and start looking within, our relationship becomes a space of conscious evolution.

7. The Soul Lives in the Present

Presence is love’s deepest expression.

Soulful relating happens in the here and now, not in roles, routines, or old stories. Presence means being attuned, listening deeply, and making space for connection in small, meaningful ways. In a distracted world, this kind of attention is a gift and a spiritual practice.

From Survival to Soul-Nourishing Relationship

A survival relationship asks: What can I get?

A soul-nourishing relationship asks: Who am I becoming through this love?

Both types have their place. But if you’re feeling that quiet ache—if something feels like it’s missing—perhaps your soul is asking for something more. Just like we can feel soul hunger in our lives, we can feel it in our relationships. And it’s not a sign you’re in the wrong relationship—it’s often a sign it’s time to grow.

Your relationship is not broken, it’s becoming a space for two souls to grow and evolve into the truest version of themselves with greater vitality, connection and purpose.

And your relationship can be the sacred ground where that becoming unfolds.

Want to Go Deeper?

Watch my full conversation on soul-nourishing relationships with Kati and Alex, where we explore these 7 principles in real life—and what it takes to co-create a relationship that feeds your soul.