Many of us live with a quiet restlessness, a subtle but persistent sense that something is missing in our lives, even when, on the surface, things appear good. From the outside, our lives may look full and perhaps even enviable.

I know this feeling intimately. For years, I lived a life that was, by all objective measures, “the dream.” I had a fulfilling career as a nurse, a comfortable and stable marriage, and a beautiful family. Yet, underneath the gratitude, there was a quiet, persistent ache that felt like a “nagging, driving restlessness” that whispered I was sleepwalking through my own life.

What I’ve come to understand through my own journey and through years of walking alongside others is that this nagging sense that something is missing doesn’t arise from just one place. It often shows up on more than one level, which is why it can feel so confusing and hard to name.

On one level, it may be connected to our outer lives of our relationships, our work, or our sense of meaning and vitality. On another, deeper level, it arises from within, from the simple truth that we have a dual nature. We are shaped by a personality, and we are also guided by a soul.

And when we’re feeling lost, confused and stuck and reach out for help, most therapists or spiritual gurus don’t name that this feeling can arise from our personality, from our soul, or from the tension that exists between the two.

This deeper level of discernment is what allows us to recognize the difference and begin to find clarity about what is being asked of us. Without pausing to understand this difference, we’ll continue the same patterns and wonder why inner peace, fulfillment and connected relationships are out of reach.

When “Something Is Missing” Arises From Personality

Our personality develops as a way to adapt, to belong, and to stay safe in the world. It shapes how we relate, how we succeed, and how we find our place within families, relationships, and society. For a long time, these patterns have served us well. They help us navigate expectations, meet responsibilities, and often bring a sense of stability or success.

Over time, however, the very strategies that once protected us can begin to cost us something. We may become so identified with who we have learned to be that we slowly lose touch with our own inner truth. We often know what brings other people comfort, approval, or happiness far better than we know what brings us alive. Our authentic self becomes buried beneath layers of obligation, adaptation, and unspoken rules about who we should be.

In my own life, this showed up through the merging tendencies of my Type 9 personality, as described in the Enneagram. Keeping the peace, accommodating others, and staying connected had long been second nature to me. These patterns were not wrong. They were adaptive and once deeply necessary. But there came a point when my soul began to ask for something different. Following that inner call required disentangling myself from old habits of self-abandonment and learning how to stay connected to myself, even when doing so created discomfort or tension in my relationships and life.

When “something is missing” arises from personality, the work is not about rejecting who we are. It is about coming into the right relationship with our personality, so it no longer runs our lives unconsciously, but instead becomes something we can hold with awareness, compassion, and choice.

When “Something Is Missing” Arises From the Soul

At other times, the ache comes from deeper still.

Soul hunger arises when we are living a life that may look successful, responsible, or even fulfilling on the surface, but no longer feels true to who we are becoming. As we grow and evolve, the soul begins to ask for greater alignment, meaning, and authenticity. When this call goes unrecognized, it often shows up as restlessness, emptiness, or a quiet sense that something essential is absent.

This kind of longing is not resolved by doing more, achieving more, or trying harder. In fact, those familiar strategies often intensify the discomfort, because they belong to an earlier chapter of our lives.

I have seen this clearly in my work with clients. One client, a successful Enneagram Type 3, had built a meaningful and accomplished life through drive, discipline, and striving. These qualities had served him well for decades. Yet over time, his soul began to hunger for something different. What he longed for was not more success, but greater peace, ease, and a way of living that was no longer fueled by constant proving.

What once helped him thrive was now creating unnecessary stress and anxiety. His work was not about becoming someone new, but about loosening his identification with the very patterns that had carried him this far, so he could listen more deeply to what his soul was asking of him now.

The Inner Tension Between Personality and Soul

This is why the experience of something being missing can feel so confusing and, at times, so lonely.

One part of us wants safety, familiarity, and continuity. Another part longs for truth, growth, and deeper alignment. The personality urges us to be grateful and not disrupt what appears to be working, while the soul quietly whispers that there is more and that we already know it.

When we don’t understand this inner tension, we may feel restless, lost, or even ashamed for wanting something different. From the outside, our lives can look full and successful, which often leaves us feeling unseen and misunderstood in our longing. At the heart of this experience is an ancient and deeply human question: Who am I now, and what is this next chapter of my life asking of me?

What I eventually discovered is that the emptiness I felt was not a sign that something was wrong with me. It was evidence that the next version of myself was ready to emerge. Beneath the roles I had been living and the expectations I had carried, there was a deeper truth waiting to be acknowledged and lived.

The Invitation Beneath the Ache

This sense that something is missing is not a problem to fix. It is an invitation to listen more deeply and to discern what kind of call you are hearing. It may be an invitation to relate to your personality with greater awareness and compassion. It may be a call from your soul to live in a way that feels more true and aligned. Often, it is both.

For some, this discernment unfolds quietly on its own. And sometimes we find ourselves circling the same questions, sensing that an old way of living no longer fits, yet unsure how to move forward without forcing change or repeating familiar patterns. In those moments, having a grounded space to listen more deeply can make all the difference.

I work one-to-one with people who are in this in-between season. Our work is not about fixing or reinventing yourself, but about slowing down, discerning where this call is arising from, and allowing the next steps to emerge in a way that is aligned rather than reactive.

If this reflection speaks to where you are right now, you are welcome to learn more about working together. I’d be honoured to be your guide.