What could be missing in my life when I have SO much to be grateful for?

Many folks who stumble across my writing are wrestling with this question as they live with a quiet restlessness, a subtle but persistent sense that something is missing, even when, on the surface, things appear good.

I know this feeling intimately.

For years, I lived with what I now call “the good life paradox”. I had a life that was, by all objective measures, “the dream.” I had retired from a fulfilling career as a nurse, a comfortable and stable marriage, and a beautiful family. Yet, underneath the gratitude, there was a quiet, persistent ache that felt like a “nagging, driving restlessness” that whispered I was sleepwalking through my own life.

What I learned after years of searching for answers and aimlessly journeying without a map was that the feeling that something was missing was the beginning of a psychological and spiritual awakening.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was waking up to the realization that I had a dual nature, meaning I was a human with a personality that had a conditioned way of thinking, feeling and behaving, AND I was also a spiritual being with a soul.

But the truth is that “waking up” caused a huge upheaval in my life. I felt called to figure out what made me tick, what brought deeper meaning and purpose to my days, who I was beyond my roles and who I was conditioned to be as a good woman, why my marriage felt disconnected and a whole lot of other uncomfortable, confusing truths that I couldn’t ignore.

And to figure this out, I had to learn to discern whether what I was feeling was arising from my conditioned personality or whether it was coming from my soul.

This discernment between what is arising from our conditioned personality vs. our soul is what allows us to find clarity about what is being asked of us. Without understanding the difference, you’ll continue to feel lost, confused and stuck and wonder why inner peace, fulfillment and connected relationships are out of reach.

When “Something Is Missing” Arises From Personality

Our personality develops as a way to adapt, to belong, and to stay safe in the world. It shapes how we relate, how we succeed, and how we find our place within families, relationships, and society. For a long time, these patterns have served us well. They help us navigate expectations, meet responsibilities, and often bring a sense of stability or success.

Over time, however, the very strategies that once protected us can begin to cost us something. We may become so identified with who we have learned to be that we slowly lose touch with our own inner truth.

We often know what brings other people comfort, approval, or happiness far better than we know what brings us alive. Our authentic self becomes buried beneath layers of obligation, adaptation, and unspoken rules about who we should be.

In my own life, this showed up through the merging tendencies of my Type 9 personality, as described in the Enneagram, which provides a map for the journey of awakening to our dual nature.

Keeping the peace, accommodating others, and staying connected had long been second nature to me. These patterns were not wrong. They were adaptive and once deeply necessary. But there came a point when my soul began to ask for something different.

Following that inner call required disentangling myself from old habits of self-abandonment and learning how to stay connected to myself, even when changing and growing into a new way of being created discomfort or tension in my relationships and life.

When “something is missing” arises from personality, the work is not about rejecting who we are. It is about coming into the right relationship with our personality, so it no longer runs our lives unconsciously, but instead becomes something we can hold with awareness, compassion, and choice.

When “Something Is Missing” Arises From the Soul

At other times, the ache comes from deeper still.

Soul hunger arises when we are living a life that may look successful, responsible, or even fulfilling on the surface, but no longer feels true to who we are becoming. As we grow and evolve, the soul begins to ask for greater alignment, meaning, and authenticity. When this call goes unrecognized, it often shows up as restlessness, emptiness, depression or a quiet sense that something essential is absent.

This kind of longing is not resolved by doing more, achieving more, or trying harder. In fact, those familiar strategies often intensify the discomfort, because they belong to an earlier chapter of our lives.

I have seen this clearly in my work with clients. Many of my clients have been successful in achieving what I call their survival purpose. They’ve had good careers and appear to have comfortable lives, but something inside them is feeling called to more meaning and purpose in their lives.

Many have accomplished a lot through drive, discipline, and striving. These qualities had served them well for decades. Yet over time, their soul begins to hunger for something different. What they long for isn’t more success, but greater peace, ease, and a way of living that was no longer fueled by constant proving.

When something is missing arises from the soul, the questions are different:

  • Why is this arising now?
  • What truth is asking to be lived?
  • What part of me has been silenced or split off?
  • What am I being invited to become?
  • What can no longer be carried forward?

The Invitation Beneath the Ache

This sense that something is missing is not a problem to fix. It is an invitation to listen more deeply and to discern what kind of call you are hearing. It may be an invitation to relate to your personality with greater awareness and compassion. It may be a call from your soul to live in a way that feels more true and aligned. Often, it is both.

For some, this discernment unfolds quietly on its own. And sometimes we find ourselves circling the same questions, sensing that an old way of living no longer fits, yet unsure how to move forward without forcing change or repeating familiar patterns. In those moments, having a grounded space to listen more deeply can make all the difference.

I work one-to-one with people who are in this in-between season. Our work is not about fixing or reinventing yourself, but about slowing down, discerning where this call is arising from, and allowing the next steps to emerge in a way that is aligned rather than reactive.

If this reflection speaks to where you are right now, you are welcome to learn more about working together. I’d be honoured to be your guide.