“Why can’t I just be happy?”

It’s a question I asked myself years ago at a time when, from the outside, my life looked good. I had so much to be grateful for. And yet, something felt… off.

We’re taught that happiness will come when the outer pieces of our lives fall into place—the house, the successful career, the money in the bank, the thriving children, the loving partner.

But what no one tells us is that you can have all of that—and still feel empty inside.

That’s because true happiness doesn’t come from checking the right boxes.

It comes from something much deeper:

  • From knowing who you are.
  • From living in alignment with what you value and your gifts.
  • From finding meaning in your life and having the courage to walk a path that’s truly yours, even when others don’t understand it.

So if you’ve ever felt this inner disconnect—like you should be happy, but you’re not—you’re not alone.

More and more people are quietly carrying this question. Not because they’re ungrateful. But because something deeper is stirring within them.

That ache isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal.

It’s not telling you to work harder at being happy.

It’s inviting you to come home to yourself.

Over the years—through my own journey and my work with clients—I’ve come to see that happiness isn’t something we chase or perform. It’s something we uncover when we’re aligned with who we truly are.

Here are five reasons you may be struggling to “just be happy”:

1. We’ve Been Taught the Wrong Formula for Happiness

We grow up believing happiness will come when the outer pieces fall into place — the perfect relationship, career, home, body, or bank account. But that’s not what research or lived experience shows.

True and lasting happiness comes from inner alignment — knowing who we are, what we value, and having the courage to live in a way that reflects it. I created the 4 Keys to Inner Peace framework to give people a framework for creating authentic happiness from the inside out.

Another part of this wrong formula? Expecting happiness to be constant. Real life includes seasons of joy and seasons of challenge. When we stop expecting to feel happy all the time, we remove a major source of self-judgment.

2. We’re Caught in the Happiness Trap Instead of Seeking Meaning

Many of us fall into the “I’ll be happy when…” mindset — waiting for life to be easier or more perfect before we allow ourselves to feel good. But when we make happiness the goal, it slips through our fingers.

A more grounded approach is to focus on creating meaning — building relationships, contributing to something beyond ourselves, and aligning our lives with what matters most. Paradoxically, this is what allows authentic happiness to arise.

3. We’re Living from Personality, Not Soul

Our personality forms to help us survive — but it’s not designed to help us flourish. The same patterns that once kept us safe can become armor that limits our authenticity, connection, and purpose.

When we always live through the lens of survival strategies, we eventually feel disconnected from ourselves and from life. Tools like the Enneagram help us see these unconscious patterns and open the door to a more authentic, soul-led way of living.

4. We’ve Been Conditioned to Live from the Outside In

From childhood, we learn to look outside ourselves for cues — for approval, belonging, and safety. While necessary for survival, this “outside-in” living often keeps us in a chronic stress state, where our nervous system is scanning for danger instead of allowing for joy.

When we’re always people-pleasing, self-sacrificing, or following someone else’s script for who we should be, we lose touch with our own values, needs, and desires — and with that, our capacity for true happiness.

5. We Resist the Call to Grow and Evolve

Happiness is tied to growth. When something in us is ready to evolve — to shed an old identity, deepen relationships, or explore new work — but we resist, we feel stuck, restless, and incomplete.

Even with much to be grateful for, ignoring the call to grow creates a quiet inner stagnation that no amount of outer success can fix.

If This is You

If you’ve been quietly asking yourself, Why can’t I just be happy when I have so much to be grateful for?—please know: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

You may simply be out of alignment with your true self. And you’re being invited—not to fix who you are, but to find who you are.

These five shifts aren’t about chasing happiness. They’re about building a life rooted in peace, clarity, and inner truth.

If you’re ready to explore this more deeply, I’d love to support you. My Ignite Your Spark transformational coaching program is a 3-month journey for people who are ready to ignite their spark for life, love and purpose.

If you feel called, please leave a comment below. We’d love to hear from you!