I was teaching a young woman how to meditate when I found myself wondering whether her depression was actually the beginning of a personal and spiritual awakening.

She had come to learn meditation because her counsellor had suggested it might help with the mild anxiety and depression she had been experiencing. She wanted to feel more peaceful inside. What we uncovered as the session progressed surprised both of us.

As her story unfolded, she told me she had no idea who she was and felt deeply disconnected from herself. She felt an inner tug of war between following her own path and meeting the expectations of others — the societal messages that had told her happiness would come from material success, the right relationship, and checking the right boxes.

She put it this way: “My biggest frustration is feeling like I am not connected within — that I am two separate people, what I think, what I feel. I truly believe I am not in touch with myself and believe it is the reason for countless poor choices in friendships and relationships.”

What she was describing wasn’t depression in the way most people understand it. It was something I have come to recognize as soul hunger — the quiet ache that emerges when we have been disconnected from ourselves for too long.

Her personality, combined with conditioning and messages about what it meant to be a good woman, had become a kind of prison. Her focus on others at the expense of herself and the suppression of her true feelings had diminished her life force energy. She felt depressed and anxious. But after a period of reflection, she had an epiphany. Perhaps she wasn’t depressed after all. Perhaps her soul was sending her a message that she wasn’t being true to herself and needed to find the courage to look inward and make some changes.

The reason people awaken is that they have finally stopped agreeing to things that insult their soul.

When the Soul Withdraws Its Energy

Some believe that our soul withdraws energy from things that are no longer meant for us. From a spiritual perspective, this withdrawal is part of the awakening process. From a traditional psychological perspective, it is often diagnosed as depression — a form of mental illness rather than a spiritual impulse asking for something new to emerge.

Dr. Lisa Miller, founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, calls this developmental depression — a call from the soul. In her book The Awakened Brain, she describes it as a spiritual invitation to live more fully, love more deeply, and open into dialogue with life itself. Whether it occurs at a ripe life stage, such as adolescence or midlife, or in response to struggle or loss, this kind of depression beckons us into a lifetime of awakening.

Dr. Miller also highlights that among middle-aged American women aged forty to fifty-nine, 23 percent take antidepressants. That’s almost one in four women. She suggests that antidepressants are often used as a palliative for life, and while they improve symptoms of low mood, they don’t treat the root cause when that cause is soul-level disconnection.

A mental health professional I interviewed about her own journey through the dark night of the soul described the distinction this way: “I had a history of depression and knew what it felt like. With this new experience, I could still get up in the morning, but it was a feeling of limbo and feeling stuck. I could get out of bed and function, but there was no sense of purpose to it, no energy behind it. It wasn’t negative energy like depression that sucks you down into a hole.”

Psychiatrist Gerald May captures something important about this experience: people who move through the dark night often sense, somewhere deep inside, that they would not trade it for more comfort. There is a rightness to it, even when it is painful.

Understanding the Patterns Beneath It

Over time, through my work with clients, I have come to see that this experience is rarely random. There are patterns beneath it — ways we have learned to cope, adapt, and move through life that once helped us but over time lead us further away from ourselves.

For some people, this looks like pushing harder, staying busy, striving to keep everything together. For others, it shows up more quietly — going along with what is expected, putting things off, losing touch with what you truly feel, or feeling unsure of what you want or need. You may find yourself feeling stuck, low in energy, or disconnected. Not because you don’t care, but because something in you has learned to move away from discomfort in order to stay safe.

This isn’t laziness or lack of discipline, and it is not a personal flaw. It is a pattern. And when we don’t understand our patterns, it is easy to turn inward and conclude that something must be wrong with us.

But when we begin to see ourselves through a different lens — whether through the Enneagram or simply through compassionate self-awareness — something begins to shift. We start to understand not just what we are feeling but why. And instead of trying to fix ourselves, we begin to find ourselves and that changes everything.

One client recently shared through tears: “I feel like I have been searching for this for years. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me.”

That moment of understanding can be profoundly freeing. When you realize your experience makes sense, that there are reasons you feel the way you do, it softens the shame and opens the door to something new.

What Awakening Actually Is

Awakening is a process whereby we become consciously aware of our dual nature and begin to witness ourselves in the context of our lives. We are watching the movie rather than being inside it. This gives us perspective and the ability to discern where our thoughts, feelings, and stories are arising from. Are they arising from our conditioned self? Or are they messages arising from our soul?

Part of this process involves shifting how we see things. For the young woman I worked with, it was recognizing how focusing too much on others’ needs at the expense of her own wasn’t healthy for her and wasn’t giving others space to take responsibility for their own lives.

Awakening is challenging because it requires us to shed the beliefs and patterns that are no longer serving us. It is a process of unbecoming and becoming at the same time — letting go of what is not truly ours, creating space for something more real to emerge.

As that emergence begins, something shifts. We come into a different relationship with ourselves. We begin to feel more peaceful, more grounded, more alive. There is a lightness that arises when we stop living at war with ourselves.

Unfortunately, most people experiencing this have no idea what is happening. The awakening process and its accompanying dark night of the soul are widely misunderstood. People react as if something is wrong when in fact it is a natural, if often difficult, process of growth and change.

Awakening is a normal part of the evolution of our consciousness.

A Different Path Forward

Navigating this kind of experience isn’t just about improving mood. It is about rebuilding a compassionate and honest relationship with yourself — and that is exactly what I guide clients through using the 4 Keys to Inner Peace.

Self-Regulation — calming the nervous system so you can hear the quiet voice within. Without inner steadiness it is hard to see clearly or act from truth.

Self-Love — creating an inner environment of safety and kindness. This fills the void in a way nothing external can.

Self-Discovery — remembering who you are beneath the roles, conditioning, and expectations. This is where the patterns that are no longer serving you begin to shift.

Self-Expression — living in alignment with your soul’s truth, even when it is uncomfortable. This is how meaning and vitality return to life.

The young woman I worked with grew a loving and healthy relationship with the most important person in her life- herself. She no longer saw her experience as a personal flaw or a purely medical condition. She recognized it as an invitation to slow down, look inward, and reconnect. Over time, she made small but powerful shifts — setting boundaries, listening to her intuition, and making choices that honoured her needs. She began to feel lighter, clearer, and more alive. From that place, her health, her relationships, and her sense of purpose began to flourish.

She didn’t need to be fixed. She needed to find herself.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. And if you’re ready to explore what this path looks like, you’re welcome to reach out here.